Sunday, February 12, 2012

The Return of Mary Dowser: Kapitalism for Kids

The always fragrant Mary Dowser, the championship typist of Parkdale, has returned to us on the advice of Sub Commandante Marcos of the rebel Zapatistas. She has left behind her amorous adventures in Mexico with Hugh Firmin, the Consul's brother in Malcolm Lowry's Under the Volcano, as well as a sojourn in the Yucatan with Don Juan and his jaguar avatar, in order to apply herself to service in the Dominion of Canada. TVFP is pleased to announce that she will be presenting a series of programs dedicated to helping children understand the adult world in which they are forced, for a time, to live. A heartfelt welcome back Mary Dowser from TVFP.

Hello kids, my name is Mary Dowser. I hope we're going to be good friends. Today I want to talk to you about how Charity works in the world of Kaptialism. So today we’re going to look at:

Uncle Billy.

Uncle Billy has just donated a lot of money to build a hospital for children. The hospital is called:


The hospital cost a lot of money. More money than you or I could ever imagine. But then Uncle Billy has a lot of money, more money than he could ever spend, that is unless he spent it on charitable things like hospitals.

I know exactly what you’re going to ask. Where did Uncle Billy get all this  money? Well Uncle Billy is a Kapitalist. He owns a mining company that extracts valuable metals from the earth. He sells these metals to other companies for enormous profits. Do you have a question Andy?

Andy                My Mom says mines are bad.

MD                  Well, the mining process produces tailings. These tailings poison the

Debbie            What about the kids who live in the environment.

MD                  Mines poison the kids too.

Candy              So Uncle Billy poisons kids. Do they have a hospital to go to?

MD                  No. These kids live in far off places that nobody cares about. Besides if Uncle
                        Billy built hospitals for those kids maybe he wouldn’t be able to build a hospital 
                        for you.

Donny              Is that fair?

MD                 That’s Kapitalism.

Debbie            I don’t get it.

MD                  Kapitalism isn’t for everybody. If it was there wouldn’t be enough resources
                        to go around. Kapitalism is just for the strong. 

Candy              So we’re lucky to live in Canada, because we’re Kapitalists.

MD                  That’s right. Good for you Candy.

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